Wednesday, February 9, 2011

The "Toughest" Guy in Gunnison

The town I went to school in Colorado was very small. There were only 5000 people there and 2500 of those were college students. It is just a small little cowboy town in the middle of fucking nowhere and cold as fucking balls. There are not many places to hang out at night and you run into the same people a lot. When it came to bars you had your choice of hippy bar, hippy bar, redneck bar, or cocaine bar. Naturally, I hung out at the cocaine bar because I fucking hate hippies and rednecks. At least I could control if I wanted to do cocaine or not and could do my own thing without having to sit next to a dirty hippy or cowboy that wanted to kill me.
This place was called the Alamo but if you were a cool Gunny dude you would just call it the Mo. Every week they would have a dollar well drink night. I would just call it whiskey night because I normally don’t drink that other crap. This would attract all the hippies, rednecks and shit bags from around town. I went cause I get drunk for 10 bucks and forget about how fucking cold it was outside.
On this particular night the Mo was fucking packed. It is usually pretty crowded but this night there were too many god damn people there. I was sitting with some friends at the end of a booth in a chair and needed to go to the bathroom. I told the dudes that I had to go take a piss and to watch my seat. When I came back from the bathroom my fucking chair was gone. I asked them where my chair was and my roommate at the time, Tanke said “We were just talking about that. Some dude in a cowboy hat just came up and tried to take it and I told him that someone was sitting there. He said that he was sitting here now and took off.”
Now I am not a big guy at all but you are not gonna just take my fucking chair like that. Win or lose that situation is a fucking fight unless you are a big pussy. So I had Tanke point him out for me and politely walked over and informed this fucking cowboy that he was sitting in my fucking chair. He then told me that he had already told my friend that he was sitting there now. Arguing ensued for a while until he finally got up to get in my face to tell me that “it wasn’t worth putting me in the hospital”. Little did this guy know that I don’t go to the fucking hospital unless I am shot or unconscious and have no say in the matter. I have never been knocked out in a fight and this stupid ass wasn’t going to be my first. As he was telling me this my buddy snagged the chair. Perfect. Problem fucking solved dickhead. Sit on the fucking floor.
So the night goes on and we are pounding some whiskey drinks down. Close to the end of the night we see our cowboy friend pointing at us, looking all tough and stuff. He finally comes over and gets in my face and says “Do you know who I am?” Clueless to who this guy was, I mean, I could have been talking to Garth Brookes or some shit, I asked him who he was. He then informed me that he was the “toughest” guy in Gunnison. I fell on the fucking floor I was laughing so hard. Even if this guy is the “toughest” guy in Gunnison he shouldn’t be so proud that he has to tell people about it. I spent the next few minutes trying to get more information about this “toughest” guy in Gunnison business. How did he get that title? Who had it before him? Is there some kind of yearly completion for this “toughest” guy in Gunnison?
He then decided to punch, not me, the one who was talking all the shit, but my buddy behind me in the face and then it was on. I saw it coming and was on him before he made contact with my buddy. We tussled around for a while and I beat the fucking piss out of this “toughest” guy in Gunnison. You know what that makes me? Yep. That makes me the fucking “toughest” guy in Gunnison. If anybody out there wants to take this nationwide or worldwide then bring it on. I am the “toughest” guy in Gunnison and I will fuck you up.